It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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