You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize