he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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