i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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