One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize