She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
