Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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