just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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