real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
