How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i dont even know how to be here
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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