remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
