You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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