totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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