I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
