I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You are the jesus of drinking
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
