I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
