i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
