I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
