these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
