i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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