Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
