I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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