I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
