I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
