I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize