I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
