And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
