And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
