it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
