I'm eating all of the evidence.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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