I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
