i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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