shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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