so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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