So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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