i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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