It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
