I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Where is the hickey?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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