I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
