did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
