are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
