Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
