I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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