I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
