I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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