She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
No more Irish car bombs ever.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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