I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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