You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
