I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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