so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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