Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
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Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
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I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i think i just lost a toe
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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