and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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