If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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