Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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