Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
