Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
