remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
