I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
