you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
