After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
