better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
