I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
