first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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