i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
