i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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