Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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