Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Randomize
