You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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