Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Redeem this text for a blowjob
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
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