The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
